Mean Girls

I look in the mirror and check myself before I leave. "That's as good as it's going to get," I sigh sadly. I see more spots come up and what I thought was smudged mascara actually turns out to be blue bags that aren't going anywhere. Great. The makeup has dealt with the worst, but nothing can hide my god awful stomach and shitty mood. I tear myself away from the mirror before I can muse anymore and make my mood worse still.

*****

Food. That is another topic which can be a touchy subject. Everyone I know is debating over whether or not to have that chocolate bar. People come back from the shop with chocolate, sweets or crisps in hand saying "I am being a fat shit," or "I shouldn't be eating this," or "I am being so bad today." I count myself among those, in fact every single mouthful of food feels wrong, feels like I am contributing to the obesity epidemic.

*****

I hear girls criticising each other for being too thin, for being too fat, for thinking they are too high maintenance with their appearance, or not high maintenance enough. I hate myself for not exercising enough, yet sometimes find myself sneering at the "gym bunnies" (though for that there is always the silent retort of "well at least they won't get diabetes")

Why do we do this to ourselves? This seems like a battle we can't win. We'll either be too fat, too thin or too obsessed. We are catty and jealous towards each other about the superficial things, and then it seeps into our own thought patterns. It is destructive, horrible, and utterly futile. By being this mean about ourselves, are we just doing a Mean Girls-esque thing where we make it ok for guys to treat us in the same way?