Friday, 2 November 2012

It's the little words...

I miss you. I love you. I trust you. These are 3 of the hardest phrases for me to say. I have asked myself countless numbers of times why they are so difficult to say aloud. I mean all of them are 3 words, and 3 syllables, which take merely seconds to speak. They are simply conjugated present tense verbs.They use some of the simplest language in existence.

In spite of this, the thought of uttering these words fills me with a strange kind of fear. My stomach flips, my palms sweat, a million thoughts run through my head and my heart thuds like a drum. This is because when these three words are said they reveal something from the heart, something from the centre of our very being.  They make us vulnerable because we are showing a desire or a need for someone, without knowing if they feel the same. We are trusting them to look after and nurture us, to return that desire. The heart is a precious thing, and to admit a desire or a need for someone is to show vulnerability and it opens us up to being bruised, beaten and wounded. In that sense, to say "I miss you" or "I love you" or "I trust you", you are taking a huge leap of faith and a huge chance.

If these words are spoken and they are reciprocated, respected and nurtured then something beautiful can blossom. You can have a relationship born out of love, hope, respect, honesty, loyalty and trust. It can be something lasting and something meaningful. It can be something where even when things are difficult and you feel dragged down by the world, you can be secure in the knowledge that you are loved and that you are safe. The heart blooms. It becomes whole. This is one of the most precious things in the world.

As soon as these words are misused, misplaced and overlooked, pain is created. The vulnerability seems more like a weakness. It seems more like a disadvantage. What was courage before, now appears to be stupidity, and what was made to be reciprocated turns messy. It wounds you and although wounds heal, they leave scars. You learn not to trust. You learn not to let your heart be seen by a soul. You learn that any kind of vulnerability is ugly. That it is weak. So you cover it.

This is why I, and so many of us, when times get hard, struggle to trust Jesus. We judge Him on human terms, on the imperfections of ourselves and knowing the power that the words of others have had on us we shy away. We forget that God LOVES us. He only wants the best for us and he will never misuse and hurt us. He is there to piece together our brokenness, not to inflict more upon us. It is something I need to remind myself of constantly. I need Jesus. I would have nothing without Him. He has taught me to love and to trust again. To not be so afraid of being vulnerable, because in Him I have strength.

Never underestimate the power of your words. They have the power to create something truly amazing, or to bring about utter devastation. So, mean what you say and say what you mean, because the human heart is a precious and fragile thing.

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