Tuesday, 24 February 2015

(Wannabe) Wild Child

I am crazy and excitable and can be full of energy, but I don't think I can describe myself as being particularly spontaneous or wild. Those just aren't two words I cope well with. For me the fact that I can decide to have a fringe one day is about as crazy as I get (yeah I know living on the edge right?!) and sometimes my sartorial choices are a little out there, but when it comes to crazy trips and last minute get aways I do not excel... I am the kind of person who would say "Yes, I'd love to do something spontaneous... how's next Friday?" In other words, I love the idea, but then when the reality of the unplanned and the unknown begins to dawn on me it doesn't take much for my mind to run a mock with what ifs, and numerous negative scenarios fill my little head. I guess that is what happens if you have anxiety issues.

I think that is why I have a kind of fascination with my friends whose lives are like that, the ones who just pack a bag and say "Right, see you soon!" I would love to be one of those care free, live in the moment people, but I am not. I am learning to be less controlling and more impulsive, but it is one small step at a time. I have just reached a point where I am tired: tired of fear holding me back, tired of feeling like nothing I do is good enough, and most of all I am tired of making excuses. It is never too late to change, or to take charge.

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