Thursday, 6 February 2014

26 Letters & Writers Block

Writing is one of my favourite things in the whole world. But there are days like today, or even weeks where inspiration runs dry. I want to create something inspiring, beautiful, and something perfect. I keep trying to put words on paper but nothing forms correctly. It's all so empty and insincere, the very emotions I am trying to evoke seem shallow and fake. I can't do it. I rip up the paper in frustration, delete every word document I reread because it isn't acceptable. I delete them because I get angry with myself. I delete them because I can't find a way to make the words paint the picture I want. There are infinite combinations of 26 letters, and it feels like not a single one of these is going to become what I want it to. Somewhere in the back of my mind are the number of page views and the comments that people have made about my writing. I can't bear the idea of publishing anything yet... It isn't done. It isn't ready. I know that nothing is sincere enough to pull people in and though it is good, good isn't enough. I want perfect.

Perfect. Yet again my wandering heart begins to chase the very thing which is impossible to attain. Yet again I need to remind myself that in Jesus, in my saviour I can find rest, peace and perfection. I simply need to look to the cross. I simply need to fall at the foot of it and cry out to my saviour. It is here I find my rest and here I will find my peace of mind. I know that writing is difficult at the moment and an alphabet of 26 letters seems too small and too big at the same time. I guess the lack of ability to form my thoughts and articulate my emotions is reflected in the fact that at the moment my mind is somewhat chaotic. I feel like there is so much going on inside my head that my poor little brain is not managing to process or articulate anything very clearly. I am forcing myself to overcome writers block by making myself to write through it. It is for this reason that I am almost too eager to add a disclaimer to each post for the foreseeable future: I worry that they will not be of a high standard because they are not written in moments of mad inspiration, but in moments of concentration and often frustration.

None the less, feeling this way has forced me to try something new with this blog. I have decided to write a series of open letters entitled "A Letter To..." about things/to people I really care about and it will give me a really exciting opportunity to try something a little different with my writing and get me to post a lot more regularly. So I really hope you enjoy it and I would love to know your thoughts.

No comments:

Post a Comment