Monday, 20 February 2012


This is something that everyone fears, and everyone hates. I know that it is one of my biggest fears, and when it happens, it feels horrible. It is so easy to get spiteful and vindictive and bitter when it happens (as I am discovering at the moment) rather than just letting it go and handing it to God, then moving on. It is far easier to remember the negative things that people say and do rather than the positives. It's almost like I am programmed not to hear the good things and focus on the bad. But as much as people say "just let it go and move on," it is not that easy. I still feel hurt and angry about being rejected. That I won't deny. I always wonder how much of this I am supposed to take and for how much longer, because each time it happens my confidence is shattered. No amount of "please don't think it means there's anything wrong with you" will change the fundamental fact: I was rejected. My brain naturally equates this to me not being good enough, to me being a failure.

This is so wrong. Just because these things happen, I have to have faith that God has a better plan for me. I feel angry with him for letting this happen to me, and I have sworn at him, shouted, cried. But that's ok, because I am being honest and up front about how I feel. I would only feel worse if I wasn't honest with God. Many people believe that it is not okay to question God, to be angry with him, to feel unhappy when things don't work out how you plan. But this is also wrong. Being a Christian is about being in a relationship. If you are with someone you love, you don't pretend to them that everything is fine when it isn't. You shouldn't need to. I feel this way about my relationship with Jesus. I love him and so when I have a bad day, he knows about it, when something amazing happens, he knows about it. People question God throughout the Bible. Psalm 22 begins with "My God, why have you forsaken me?Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?" It is not wrong to question God, to wonder if he can hear you. It is human. And despite all of the doubts and questions that being rejected throws up, I trust him. I trust God to answer my prayers, and I trust him to pull me through. This is also evident throughout the Bible, that when people go through hard times, despite all of the questions and doubts they have about His plan for them, they trust him. Later on in Psalm 22 David is saying that "The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the Lord will praise him." This man is going through hell at the time, and literally everyone has forsaken him. He is going through pain and anguish, yet still he is trusting the Lord to rescue him. This is something I always find incredible when I read the Bible: the stories of people who lose everything and yet they still trust the Lord to rescue them. And that He does. Every time.

So, although this situation bears little resemblance to that of David I am saying that although rejection is a difficult feeling to deal with, I am sure it happened for a reason and I am certain that God has something else planned for me. I can also rejoice in the acceptance I have in Christ. He made me his chosen daughter, and he has mapped out my story for me, so that whatever happens I am safe in his arms, with the knowledge that there is something better waiting for me.

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