Friday, 20 January 2012


This word, this emotion has been a big part of my life for so long, and keeps raising its ugly head. As I wrote in my last post, I was scared of Jesus. Scared of going to him, all my doubts, all my fears, instead of being voiced were simply being bottled up. It wasn't until after I reread my last post that I realised, almost everything within it was related to fear. It was fear of something or someone in almost every paragraph, there behind the words. I knew then that God was there. It wasn't a huge, time halts and everything is a blur moment, but it shocked me. I hadn't realised that I had been hiding from God. I hadn't realised that I had become so afraid of showing Him (and anyone else) my true feelings. This is the revelation that has reached me in the last week, and I know that the spirit is still, and I pray will continue to transform my heart.I listened to a podcast by Andrew Wilson: The Right Kind of Fear. Something clicked inside me and I'm finally beginning to understand.

The Oxford English Dictionary describes fear as: "an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm." Is it right to really fear this from God? Is it right to feel the same kind of fear of Him as I would with someone who I thought would harm me, someone who was unpredictable and vindictive?

Its says throughout the bible that God is loving, and kind and faithful. He is constant and unchanging. In Psalm 86:15 it says:"But, you oh Lord are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulness." Therefore, how could He be a vindictive, harsh God? He who shows such compassion and mercy is not to be feared in this way.

However, it also speaks of "fearing God" throughout the bible, and even in the same Psalm (verse 11:"give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name"). But this is often also partnered with praise and adoration. So how do I fear God, without feeling a sense of terror?

This is where the second definition of fear comes in: the verb "to fear" can also mean "to have a sense of reverence and awe of something." This means that I am not without ignorance of God's power. I know he is huge and more awesome and powerful than I could ever imagine: JESUS CALMED A STORM! But alongside this knowledge of power is the knowledge of his character: Merciful, compassionate, loving and faithful. For me, the best illustration of these two things is in this verse:
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" John 3:16
This verse shows his love for us, in that he GAVE his ONLY SON to save us, us humans who make so many mistakes, and mess up so much, so that we could go to GOD as we are,and he would see in us, the perfection of his son. The next part of the verse saying we would get eternal life shows his immense power: JESUS  DEFEATED DEATH.
It means God is so much bigger than my problems, and he has the power to overcome every situation and fill it with good. This both scares me, because the fact that he can blow my fears out of the water is HUGE, but the fact that he is on my side fills me with joy and hope and life.

THAT is the awesomeness of God. And that is the reason why  I can do all things in Christ, because he gives me strength, and through my weakness his strength is made perfect and glorious. I need not fear, I can bring my worries and weakness to the cross, because JESUS LOVES ME, because GOD IS POWERFUL AND ABLE.

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