Thursday, 12 July 2012


Recently, I was back at school. It was the one day of the year where everyone gets together to celebrate the success of the school year and generally show case the pupils' talents. In the past, it was a ritual I hated. A long time on a Saturday morning in June, spent in a theatre listening to speeches, watching dances, and seeing prizes given out. I would be bored and hungry by the time we left the theatre and once back at the school had the prize giving to look forward to (which was only enjoyable if you got an award).

But, since leaving the school I have returned voluntarily for the last 2 years. Why? You might ask, would I choose to face the possibility of being stuck in a theatre for hours on end? The school holds amazing memories for me and it gives me an opportunity to revisit the several years I spent there. It also reminds me how much I learnt, and how much I have grown and changed since starting there 10 years ago.

The day also reminded me how change is healthy. Change is exciting and it is scary. But it moulds and shapes you and I can honestly say that I am not the same person stood here today as I was, even a year ago. And I am probably barely recognisable from the girl who stood nervously on the porch steps having her photo taken on her first day at her new school.

But every so often that "new girl" feeling returns, accompanied by butterflies in the stomach and a conviction that I may not cut it this time. But each new experience has given me confidence and self belief which has changed my attitude towards others and myself. However, it has also reaffirmed the fundamental belief it has taken me all of my life so far (and probably my life to come) to accept: I am enough. I do not need to change.

For a long time, I believed that maybe, if I didn't have a penchant for bright colours, if I was witty, if I wasn't
such a klutz and if I was that much "better" than other people, maybe I would have a chance. Maybe if I could get just a few more marks in exams and course work, maybe then I would make the mark. But I was setting myself an unrealistic goal... each bar I reached would not be high enough. I am by no means saying you should settle, but that you should learn to accept a compliment and acknowledge your achievements and abilities. Jesus doesn't love me any more or less than he would if I were the next Einstein or a complete dunce.

So, sorry folks, but the girl with the robot jumper, and a tendency to fall over air is not going anywhere. 

No comments:

Post a Comment