Saturday, 24 March 2012

Am I loved?

I believe that everyone has one fundamental desire: to be loved and to know that they are loved. Everyone searches for this in different ways, and I see it every day. People searching for approval, searching for something that will fill the ache within them to be desired, loved and accepted.

I've spent so long searching for this, and in a way I still search for it. I have the love of my parents, my beautiful sister and my wonderful friends. Yet, still part of me doubts this. Part of me thinks that at any time this could be taken away, something I do could make it all turn sour. It is an almost overwhelming fear of getting it "wrong". Furthermore, the approval of those closest to me doesn't seem enough. The desire runs deeper than that, something at the centre of who I am as a person and regardless as to how many people I know love me, regardless as to how many friends I have, I will always be asking the same question: Am I loved? Am I worth it?

Until I became a Christian, I felt like I would never be able to answer this question and that I would spend my life searching for acceptance and self worth. Then I heard the gospel. It is something so beautiful and so incredible. I can now say that I know the security of a love so deep and so profound that it scares me slightly. It is intense and personal, passionate and fiery. Jesus wants to know me, he hungers for me, he will pursue me to the ends of the earth. He will fight for me when I don't have the strength and most of all he will love me. Forever. And I, how do I feel about this? As I said, the intensity and depth of this scares me:
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39
God is so much bigger than everything I know, and He will let NOTHING separate me from him, and from his love. This is powerful. This is real too. This is something that, while I love my family, and I love my friends, I know that no one lives forever on earth. Friendships change, and people wither and die. Yes, I will of course do the same, but I know that even after my time on earth, I have a God whose love for me will never die and I know that I will spend eternity with him. With the ultimate father. With the ultimate love. That is something I will come to experience fully in all its magnificence. It fills me with joy. A real, pure joy that I cannot deny.

Am I worth it? Am I loved? The answer: absolutely and completely. I am loved furiously and passionately by a being so powerful he would move mountains for me. And I love Him. I love him with all my heart. And I know I always will. Even when I struggle, even if I turn away, I know that I will never stop loving Jesus, and I will never stop needing him. And to know that he feels the same about me, but knowing that he will never change or turn his back on me, is more incredible than any words can say.

The most awesome thing about this love? Jesus feels this for every single person. We are all treasure in his eyes. So next time you ask yourself, am I loved? Am I worth it? Know that the answer will always be unequivocally, YES. You are loved completely and unconditionally by your true father and creator God. 

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