Finding My Passion

I never knew what I wanted to do, what I was good at or where I fitted in. I was certain what I wasn't good at and certain where I didn't fit in though. I knew that I would never be musical, I would never master an instrument in a way that could move people to worship, I would never be able to bring tears to people's eyes when I sang (well maybe I can do that, but not for the right reasons!) and I am still pretty sure that I don't get on that well with little kids. In terms of serving in the church I felt this ruled me out of pretty much everything. Lots of my friends played in the worship band, or served in the children's work at my church. For so long I prayed to God and asked him to show me something, anything that I could do. I was desperate to serve him and desperate to have some kind of obvious talent. For me, all that was evident was that I had none. I thought that this ruled me out of serving all together, I thought that this meant there was nothing I could do. I would just continue to worship and continue to watch everyone else's gifts grow, while I looked on enviously.

I think that it wasn't until I got my GCSE results a couple of years ago that I really began to notice where my strengths lay: 2 of my 3 A*s were in French and German...they were easily my best subjects and something I took to quite naturally. For some mad reason, after not really having considered it before, I chose to carry on with French at college and do it at A Level. At the same time this was happening, it was towards the end of my first year of college that I began to realise that I loved it. It was one of my favourite subjects (mainly because year 1 was easy) and so I applied to study it at degree level. Most of my friends thought (still think) I was insane, and I am still not sure how I came to this decision. I think truthfully, the thought of spending 3 years specialising in any of my other a level subjects sickened me slightly... French was the only idea I wasn't repulsed by!

At the same time, I was chosen to be a co leader of the college Christian Union. This was a terrifying idea to me, as I'd never led anything before and was still all too aware of the fact that I was a new Christian. I did it though with the help of my wonderful co leader and a great bunch of people within the CU. I grew in God so much during that year, and I loved it. I loved having discussions on passages from the bible, and I loved that I maybe finally serving others in their relationship with God. While there were a few hiccups along the way, I learnt so much and am forever thankful for the privilege of being able to help others in their walk with God through college. 

I also co-led a lifegroup with one of my good friends in the youth in the same year. When my youth leader approached me I was shocked. Again I felt that I, as a new Christian didn't have a lot to give and I definitely wasn't sure that I was cut out for leading a group of people (many of whom who had been in the church longer than me) who were all at different points in their walk with God. But again, God showed me the deepest depths of his love and I met some of the most amazing people through that year. I pray that they keep growing in faith and that God will be with them in all they do. 

Last year at church, the leaders spoke a lot on the subject of international mission and being a "global community". Their aim was to become a church with several nationalities in one place, a place where no matter who you were you could go there, but also they wanted to be a place which equipped its people to go out and take the gospel to those who do not know the hope it brings. Every time I heard this talk I felt like it was aimed at me. I felt that something was saying "It's you. This is for you." I was scared, but crazy excited too. I could finally use what I had discovered a passion for to bring a hope to others and to glorify God. I was finally beginning to realise that I had been given a gift too, and just because it wasn't immediately apparent it doesn't mean that God doesn't have a plan for me. So here I am, 3 years into my walk with God and preparing to go on the biggest adventure yet: a trip to Europe with others who share a passion for the nations, and learning more about what it means to "plant a church" and to be a Christian in another culture. And this is just the beginning. I cannot wait to see the awesome things God has yet to do.